My Journey

Today is the birth of my new blog " My Journey ". I was motivated to start a blog because there are many things going on in my life which I wish to talk about. I choose to document my thoughts in a blog so that I can really spend time to think deep about issues happening in my life. Let me begin with " My Journey ". 

I have spent the last two years in the military. My experience was extremely stagnant. There were no ups and downs. I was just given a job to do for 2 full years. However my 2 years was not smooth sailing. During these 2 years I have come to realise that there is something not right about me.

It all begun when I picked up a health magazine and I remembered reading an article about kidney disease. The article detailed about different forms of kidney diseases and their symptoms. Reading about the symptoms started stirring thoughts in my head, and I wondered whether I had any of these symptoms. I begin observing whether those symptoms were indeed present in me. After a week, being the paranoid and pessimistic me, I was convinced I had the symptoms and had some form of kidney disease. This frightening thought was stuck in my head and I was trapped in my own negative thoughts of illness, suffering and burden to my family. I decided to seek medical advice from a doctor and she ran a full body checkup to see if I had kidney disease. The result actually came back fine! However, my health report indicated that I had slightly low white blood count and high blood cholesterol. This led to another round of obsession with my white blood count and cholesterol. I scoured the internet for information on blood disease and heart disease. I remembered reading tons of websites and checking whether i exhibit any of the symptoms. This became an endless pit where I fell deeper and deeper into the darkness of fear. This sort of obsession with my health plunged me into a state of anxiety.  It became clear to me that I cannot carry on this sort of behavior because it was affecting me emotionally, and of course physically. I tried challenging my irrational thoughts and unnecessary worrying and things turned for the better. I was able to calm myself down and think with a logical mind. I have also learnt that we should never play doctor by checking symptoms online. However, I conceit that this obsession is not something I can get rid of, and I have to live with it.

Recently, I feel that this obsession with health has transcend to become a generalised sort of feeling of anxiety. I would feel anxious of my health at times, but I also feel anxious for no rhyme or reason. This is a serious concern to me. But i believe I can combat anxiety and writing this blog is the first step. I think the blog can be a place where I can share my troubles, thus lessening my stress and anxiety. I do not wish to turn to my family because I do not wish to be a burden to them. But more importantly, I believe I can cope with this problem myself.